I am in a state of somewhat heightened awareness these days. I'm paying really close attention to my body and mind. I've become used to doing this since age 18, upon being diagnosed with Crohn's, so I have always been relatively in tune with my body and state of mind.
Having added another element to my life recently, I find it's good to check in with myself once in a while.
I'm feeling, overall, good. Actually no, not good, more like fine. Comme-ce, comme-ca - so so. I am feeling incredibly tired as of late, despite more than adequate amounts of sleep, moderate daily exercise, a good diet, and little to no stress. The tiredness is a side effect, but it's manageable. More than once, however, I have wished that coffee didn't make me go "oops, I crapped my pants". I could use the caffeine injection.
A lady also has to learn how to deal with mood swings. We're all familiar with them, but there are times in every woman's life when mood swings become more like mood punches to the face. That's what I am bordering on right now. Cute little animal videos on YouTube are supposed to make you sigh with joy, not weep crocodile tears. Inexplicable anger or hurt over imagined slights seems to be normal these days too. That's neat.
Keeping your emotions in check is an interesting process. For me, I can usually break it down into a twenty minute segment; the first ten minutes in CRAZY TOWN where everything is a tragedy, and the next ten minutes are the return to the Village of Normal, though the return journey always seems a lot slower. I get there eventually, and always return to Rational City, population: 2.
I also feel like I'm reaaaaally boring right now. Having given up occasional social enhancers like martini's and...other herbal things, I'm not surprised to find that instead of going out, to be the only sober person, I'd rather stay home in my jammies, getting emotional over the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. And yet, I keep saying yes to social situations that are going to include the above things, and I am undoubtedly less fun when not partaking in these social lubricants. I've given myself a nickname, Fun Bobby, and if you don't get that, you're dead to me.
I know what you're going to say....what happened to the Heather in 1994 that said things like "I get high on LIFE!"?! Well I'll tell you what - life happened. Mortgage payments, bills, jobs, and excel spreadsheets.
And if you can enjoy every party sober, then you're either a recovering alcoholic, or a bigger person than I am.....or my mom. (Hi mom!). Sober me wants to be in bed at reasonable hours (like 10:30 pm), so I can go to the gym or my yoga class the next day. Sober me is annoyed by drunk people. Sober me is annoyed by people having fun. I've never been a big drinker, but now that it's mostly off the table, I want what I can't have. Ain't that always the way?!
So, that's where I'm at. Two parties this weekend to attend (sober), and then the Method Man concert on Wednesday (sober....what were we THINKING?). I look forward to the day when I can once again over indulge in martinis on a Wednesday night!
I gotta get my head in the game and start getting high on life again. Or maybe invest in one of those natural high light machines that annoying hippies are always trying to sell (Newflash bro, you're already high).