Thoughts on Self - Paving the Way to Greatness.

I am great at certain things. For instance, I am great with people. I tend to make friends easily, even when I am feeling self conscious. I think it's because one of the other things I am great at is self disclosure, which always, without fail, gets people on your side because they feel like they can get to know you super fast, without any of the bullshit {even though this is also great at getting me kicked under tables and on the receiving end of fierce glares from my husband...SHUT....UP}. This "skill" has also helped me overcome some of the obstacles my job first threw at me - get people on your side {in a completely genuine way}, and they are more likely to forgive you for all the stupid mistakes you're going to make while you learn the ropes. Even if that takes a ridiculously long time.

 I have been told that I make people feel like they can be themselves, which is always a really nice compliment.Why wouldn't you be yourself around me, or around anyone for that matter? If you're not yourself, then who exactly are you?

I'm also pretty funny and quick witted, which to me, is an asset I value not only in myself, but in my friends. I love to laugh and make those around me laugh. Because I truly believe that laughter can be an incredible medicine. Humor won't cure any diseases but it will certainly lighten up a dark day.

I'm starting to be pretty great at saying "no". Saying no, when my heart isn't into it, when my gut tells me it's the wrong thing to do. To be completely honest, without being hurtful, is an art. Maybe I'm still working on that. I have only recently learned to say no to someone's face, and not the "yes, and then say no later in an email". Sometimes saying no isn't well received, or even accepted, but the bottom line is that I said it out loud, in the moment, rather than allowing myself to be cornered, and saying yes only because I felt guilty.

I'm awesome at singing. I'm not going to win any contests or anything, but maybe that's just because I would never dream of entering one, let alone singing in front of strangers. I'm not saying I'm better than you, or the next person, I'm just saying that I can sing. And it makes me feel ALIVE!!!

Now, before you start to get the impression that I am great at EVERY DAMN THING, here are a few things I am working on becoming better at.

As stupid as it sounds, I'm trying to become a better bicycle rider. For some reason, it intimidates me. Not actually RIDING a bike, but riding any serious distance, or riding in traffic. I'm not confident. I'm not confident in my ability to keep up. So, I'm working on it, with my husband. He needs to rehab his knee, and cycling is an integral part of that. I'm happy to do it with him, and work on my endurance.  We biked 10 km on Sunday, and 13 km on Monday. The 13 km felt like 30, and I was shocked when it was only 13. I had to keep reminding myself that it was FUN, and to get out of my head, and my own defeatist attitude when it came to hills. I can do this and I can enjoy it. And I did. It's not a race, H. {Except when I beat James up a hill, but I guess it's not really a race if the other person doesn't know about it}.

I'm trying to be better to my body. I'm avoiding caffeine and gluten, for health reasons, but also to try and make my body more inviting to a fetus. In this vein, I'm also trying to be better at being patient, and being happy for those around me who haven't had to struggle with not having a baby the minute they  think about having one. Which is everyone, by the way. Except me. I'm trying to be better at not feeling sorry for myself, because day in and day out, I'm not sorry for myself {that feeling usually coincides around day 31 of my cycle}. I'm becoming better at recognizing the blessings in my life, and not focusing on the things I don't have. I'm working on controlling what I can control, and leaving the rest to God. And maybe in the near future, the doctor.

Further to this, I'm working on controlling the vices I acquired in my 20's. Such as drinking a whole bottle of wine while river rafting, and then puking on my boobs in the car on the way home. That SO didn't happen this past weekend.......erm......it was car sickness more than anything, but the bottle of wine didn't help matters. For the most part, I live a pretty clean and healthy life, but there is the occasional slip up because dammit, I'm a social person who doesn't have kids, so why can't I have a little fun?! So far, both husband and I have made some small changes to our habits that hopefully will pay off in the form of a baby, sooner rather than later. As in, this year? Helloooooooooooo.

I'm working on budgeting. Goddamn, we spend a lot of money! Granted, we save, but we also have a rather large debt that we are now focused on paying off faster than we previously planned. This means better household budgeting - less eating out, less drinks out (which fits RIGHT into the above goal), and keeping our holidays local in 2012 (BC only). It's about saving up for things, rather than putting it on credit - THAT, my friends, is another nasty habit I picked up in my 20's. We have a goal, and it feels good. We're aware of our finances, we have a plan, and it's up to us to stick to it. We're getting better at it. And I can't WAIT to be debt free. We're on the right track - 2015, I see you.

I'm 32, and I'm happy with who I am, and who I see myself becoming. It's about understanding that we have the power to change our lives, and to live in the presence of greatness....ourselves.

Go on, be great.